In Memory of Evelyn Florine Bellar

July 3, 1918 – June 28, 2006

The following is a letter I wrote my Grandma on March 14, 2006. I shared this at her funeral:

Dear Grandma,

I though I would type out this letter so you could clearly be able to read it. I wanted to be able to write you a little. I really don’t know what to say. I had the same problem when we came down to visit you a little while back. I just didn’t know what to say, and I felt bad.

Death is really sort of a foreign thing for me. I have had very few close people to me die in my life. Perhaps the closest was my Grandma Warren and Great Grandpa Bellar. I know that you will be joining them sooner than later. I am excited for you. I would really like to see Jesus face to face and to experience all the wonderful adventures and intimacy that heaven has to offer. You will be experiencing all of that too. I’m sure it’s hard to image being in a place where there is no pain when you are in so much pain right now, but it’s coming.

Thank you for allowing God to use you to bring me to this world. Thank you for loving and staying with Grandpa all of these years. Thank you for taking care of and raising my Mom. Thank you for the love and encouragement you’ve given me. Thank you and thank God that I don’t need to worry about where you are after you are gone, because you know Jesus as your savior. He has been good to experience death on your part, on the cross, so that you may live forever with Him.

Indeed, soon you will be more alive than you have ever been before. All your wildest desires and dreams are about to come true. Everyday is going to be better than the one before, forever. You will experience God and others in ways that you have never imagined.

Again, I’m not sure what to say.

I hope you are excited to go and be with the Lord. I know it’s hard to know that Grandpa will be left behind for a while longer, but before he knows it he’ll be telling you stories of how God loved him and helped him get through your temporary absence in person.

I love you so much!

Barry

Little Dog Attack!

Attacked I was!!! It’s actually quite a funny story. It’s the day before Grandma’s funeral and I decided to go for a run. I ran about three blocks when two little dogs came barreling after me barking. I kept running, but had to slow down because they were running in front of me and I thought I was going to trip and fall. That’s when the little pug nosed dog jumped up and bit me on the leg. I turned around and began to run back to my Aunt’s house. The dogs kept up with me, barking all the way, for two blocks before they finally gave up. Well I got back to the house and showed the whole fam my leg, told the outrageous story, and called the police.

After picking up the dogs the policeman came by and told me they had he had picked up the same dog that bit me two weeks before and it acted very normal then, but that night the dog was acting very aggressive. At that same time a guy drove up and told us that the same dog had just bit him that same night! Crazy… And funny. Because the dog seemed to be pretty crazy I drove myself and my Dad to the ER to get the bite checked out. I just had to laugh! It was such a strange, surreal thing! I felt grateful to God because the whole thing cheered me up. I know that sounds strange, I think it has something to do with my love of adventure and new experiences. Without danger life just wouldn’t be much fun.

Sovereign Over Our Lives and Good

My Mom called me on Saturday with the inevitable news that Grandma had died. The process of finding a flight back to Colorado for the funeral was difficult and frustrating. I finally found a flight and went to bed completely exhausted. The next day I talked to my roommate in Boulder to see if he could pick me up from the airport. I found out that he was actually in Connecticut and was flying home to Denver that night as well. After talking a bit more we discovered that we were both flying from New York to Denver on the same flight! We met up at the airport (the above picture) and we drove back home from the Denver airport together.

This was one of those amazing things that happens where God gets your attention. For me, this was God telling me that He is sovereign and His timing is perfect. I had been struggling with all the pain my Grandma had been in due to her cancer. I didn’t understand, and frankly still don’t understand, why she lived with so much pain for as long as she did. I’m comforted and confident though that God has all our days numbered and that He is good. Grandma knew Jesus and now knows Him a whole lot better!

Grace to My Ears

Adapted from my journal:
I was in the 1st Avenue subway station on the lower east side waiting for the 'L' when I heard the most amazing trumpet player. It was so beautiful! After I got on the train I thought about how unworthy I was to have God let me hear something so divine and full of grace. I had tears in my eyes.

While waiting for the train to come I wished that church felt like that subway. The beauty, mystery, and sense of awe was awesome. I could tell that believer and nonbeliever could both perceive it. I wanted to miss the train so I could stay and listen. I’m glad to have been there for just six minutes. The thought of that moment on 1^st Avenue fading from my memory is sad. I know it will happen. Maybe by the grace of God I will always have a part of that song in my heart. Maybe, it has always been there.

Williamsburg, Brooklyn

Today I went to Williamsburg Brooklyn. It felt a little weird to be away from the skyscrapers of Manhattan. As I walked around and saw all the very alternatively dressed young people and two natural food stores, it came to me that this part of Brooklyn is the urban version of Boulder, CO. I felt a strange sense of being back in Boulder as I bought a jar of organic almond butter two dollars cheaper then I could buy it in Boulder.